Self doubt had worked it’s way into my brain, head and heart. I was away from all the security and comfort I had ever known. No therapy dogs. No service dog. Just me. I had prayed that if this was not God’s will for me, that I would know right away. My gut turned.
Why did I even come to this conference? It’s probably a big waste of time and money anyways. They probably won’t even like what I have to offer, like countless other times before.
As I put my make-up on, thinking about what a big mistake I’d made, I heard my sister Sue say, “Don’t be afraid.” Strange that I was the one shaking in my shoes, worried about talking to editors and publishers, when just six months earlier she wasn’t even afraid of cancer or knowing she was about to die.
Then I saw my son, Brian, like he was standing right there. He gave me the thumbs up like he always did and said, “You can do it, Mom!”
Eyes welling up, I then wondered what my dad would say. Before I even got the thought out of my head, it was as if I heard, “Honey, I’m so proud of you.”
Tears ran down my cheeks washing away freshly applied make-up. I looked a mess, but the three people that I loved dearly, now in heaven, were cheering me on!
Even more inspirational was what happened next.
First of all, after I reapplied my make-up and showed up at the conference, everyone who heard about the book I was writing said it was amazing. Secondly, I sent the first chapter of the book in ahead of time to have it reviewed and edited. When I got the manuscript back there was barely a mark on it and the editor noted that it was ready to be published and wanted to meet with me. Thirdly, I met with another editor who said if I had my book proposal ready that he would pitch it to his publishing board next week. And lastly, when I opened a cough drop one day, there were those same words of encouragement inscribed on the wrapper, “You can do it.”
What I learned at the conference was overwhelming for me at first. All week long I was in this advanced business management class that I felt inferior to. The instructor is a top selling author and helps other authors market their books and speaking careers. I didn’t feel at times as if I could ever do what needed to be done to become a professional writer or speaker.
But again and again, those words of inspiration kept coming to me. “You can do it.” A lady at the conference in my class even signed her last book and gave it to me, dedicating it to Brian for me as a belated Mother’s Day Gift and wrote, “Thumbs up! Mom, you can do it!” Love Brian.
Obviously God wanted me to do it and knew I could do it and should it all along. It was me doubting. After all, it’s his book. He wrote it into my life thirteen years ago when he brought that abused, runaway, rescue dog into my life to heal me, my entire family and so many others. Yes, God, you’re right, with you I can do it! You can do it too! Just believe…